this has happened before. i have an awesome idea in my head for a project that i really want to turn into art, but when i discuss it with a professor they give me "ideas" about my project that i don't necessarily agree with. the ideas sound good at the time, especially because i think i'll be better off doing what the professor wants because they're experienced and "knowledgeable", and i also want a good grade. but now im stuck because my inspiration was going in a certain direction, but it's like a fucking train came through and not only changed my path, but also wiped out half of the ideas that i had.
im talking specifically about my darkroom final project. i was soo excited about it, i had SO many good ideas, and i really thought it was going to be something that i could be proud of. but now i don't want to shoot, i don't want to see the images i've already shot, and im at a complete standstill in my thought process. i have two full days to work on this project, tomorrow and the day after, and in that time i need to shoot 4ish more rolls, develop them, and print at least 7 images. it's not the most amount of work i've ever had, and im not completely terrified about completing it, but im so annoyed that i am totally uninspired. this has turned into every other project that i've done so far in art school. it's turned into just another thing to get done. it's not fun anymore. i was going to have photoshoots at the boathouse, in parks, in people's houses, in the streets... but now i have to shoot everything in my living room with shitty lighting and NO ideas. my models probably hate me because i don't know what i want them to be doing. at this moment, i feel like it's the worst project in the world. im so angry with myself for listening to lauren when she told me to use a set location and a backdrop. that was such a lame idea!! she should have known better than to suggest that. i can't believe she did. and i can't believe i listened. she sucks. im so mad right now. i finally have a day off of practice when i can RELAX, but instead im so fucking panicked and annoyed and pissed. i fucking hate art school. i can't wait for this shit to be over. i really don't know if i'll pursue a career in photography after college. and not just because of this one project - im not that unstable. because of everything - art school has been hell for me. i don't understand why some people are still sane.
i need something, anything, to give me an idea - now, preferably.
summer break is 4 days away. I NEED SUMMER.
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